People might say anything...
And, they WILL say many things... But fate had nothing to do with it.
She was born in a cold night when no one was close by to look after her. What or who gave her birth is still a secret. That incident has many witnesses and a prime witness in a moon, but I am sure none of them can divulge anything to anyone. Believe me again, fate had nothing to do with it. Like a ray of light steadily dominating and then overpowering the darkness, she was born to rule!
It doesn't matter now if she is cold and ruthless. Some might find her unattainable and some might call her a mere facade for rut that is growing by the day. But dare forget her for a second and a slash of a whip will make you remember even the non-existent tales. For cold and ruthless is she for sure...
I sometimes wonder to myself for why she doesn't feature more often in my ramblings? I am constantly digging up matters to hold against her. I am pursuing through every inch and I have the things which can fill pages of million gossip magazines and could be burned in billion flares to finally eradicate all the black from this Republic. Then why not? When a child who had never seen the light asked me that question, I told him that, I was worried about the amount of soot that burning will cause. I am an environmentalist you see? I care about nature, these mountains and greens... That child didn't knew of soot either... Turned out to be blind... Like me... The irony of black soot eradicating all the blacks of the thoughts was lost upon him... Just like me...
Maybe I could write it all down and sell a new religion. Where she would be a prophet and I would be her apostle... With that child in tow... Naturally blind... Anyone deaf out there? You will help complete the quorum! That will wait though... And whenever it will happen, no matter what people will say, but fate won't have anything to do with it...
Coming back to the queen, she made me look for a key. Didn't say more about it but just sent me to find the key. And I searched for years. I found nothing. That nothing had to fit somewhere and had to open something. That something had to reveal some secrets and god knows why but some types of secrets are always hideous. At the end of all those hideous monstrosities came out a gentle but mesmerizing butterfly. It was a cold night and there was nothing to tend her. Still she could fly, she could live, she could contaminate, she could rule... She could... She would... Some another blind will again give her a birth and no one but moon will be the prime witness...
Again!?
Don't take me away you fools!
That prison is not the place I want to visit again.
Ever read any myths?
These ramblings are not supposed to be taken seriously!
Oh come on!
Even at the thought of new religion you will not loosen up a bit?
Its only you who is gonna rule!
and not even your damn queen!
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Saturday, November 19, 2011
How I Began To Write.
This is very first interview, which I did for fellow needy journalist and was never published. There is a catch in that first line. I am not a journalist as it might suggest.But I am "fellow" by the virtue of need. It wasn't published for the lack of publishers but for the lack of intent. Doesn't mean either that publishers queued up for those words rambled or there is some sort of intent right now. This is rather large clarification for that interview and its appearance here. As the saying goes, 'all is well', I am ready to acknowledge that indeed 'all is well'.
Q. How are you?
A.Same as you.
Q. That is enough for the start and as all the formalities have been taken care of, what am I going ask for which you have an answer?
A. This is very difficult question to answer itself. You shouldn't be so damn tough at the beginning. First you should gain my trust. Create an appearance of friendly but educationally intellectual atmosphere, where you are cunning and I am shrewd. Then proceed towards difficult questions where you will be shrewd and I will be cunning.
Q. Very well! So what is your age?
A. I am as old as this air we breathe. That will turn out to be around xyz years multiplied by abc years, add some, subtract plenty and then divide by zero.
Q. It would be meaningless then.
A. Yeah indeed! That is meaningless! As was your question too.
Q. Hmm... So what do you make of it?
A. Salad.
Q. And that is all you live on?
A. Not always. But right now I do. I am on a diet, you see?
Q. Since when?
A. Since that revolution.
Q. Which revolution?
A. You aren't aware of that?
Q. I am aware of many. But not of a particular one we are discussing here. Was it important?
A. To me, yes. It was important. It still is.
Q. What did it change?
A. Change is comparative. Nothing has remained to compare of the past to understand that change.
Q. So successful?
A. I don't know. And as no one is even aware of that then it might be successful after all.
Q. How do you come to know of it then? And how you are still aware of it?
A. This isn't an interview. This is an interrogation.
Q. Why are you so damn defensive?
A. I have plenty to lose.
Q. Now that is a joke, isn't it?
A. I don't see a laugh on your face.
Q. I am not here for laughs. I am here for a discussion. I want to relieve you of the burden.
A. Please don't kill me.
Q. How could I?
A. I don't know. But I am scared.
Q. Why are you so scared? I am not going to kill you.
A. Hmm... Thanks.
Q. You didn't answer. Why are you so scared?
A. I see stars in the night. I see people around me, who see them too.
Q. So?
A. Everyone has gone mad.
Q. What?
A. Yes. I see people around me who can see same things as me. But I only claim. I haven't seen them at night. I see them in the broad daylight. They twinkle and then then they fall. Nothing remains until the night comes. Then as the first ray of daylight embraces me, I see them again. Created in the night. Only to appear at the day. So other people must see nothing in the night. But they see. They are mad! They are lunatic! They are hallucinating!
Q. I see them at night too. So am I mad, lunatic and hallucinating?
A. Maybe.
Q. Or is it just you who is mad?
A. No... I am perfectly sane.
Q. When its one against billions, one is at the fault.
A. When it is that disproportionate, I am never wrong. I am misunderstood. I am visionary who is ridiculed. I am special. Too special to co-exist.
Q. Even if you are misunderstood by yourself?
A. Yeah. Then it is even more so.
Q. I heard from somewhere that you are going to stand your ground. Is that true?
A. I want to stand. I do stand. I am not aware of ground. Or what constitutes as MY ground. I need MY ground though.
Q. How do you like your ground to be?
A. Beautiful, clever, intelligent, smiling.
Q. I hope you find it.
A. I hope I could stand it.
Q. Could stand it or could stand on it?
A. Isn't it just the same?
Q. Maybe.
A. Definitely!
Q. I needed to talk. And it was very nice talking to you.
A. I know. Wish I could do it more often for you.
Q. Will you?
A. You will starve to death.
Q. Why?
A. Only salad can help you only that much. Avoid death. That's all.
Q. But starve to death?
A. Salad is not so easy to find.
Q. Why?
A. How much of it you find out here?
Q. Nothing. Everything makes sense!
A. To you? It always will.
Q. I am hungry!
A. I am gaining too much weight.
Q. Exercise.
A. Yeah! I will write.
I am still gaining weight. There is just too much to eat. And eat I do. I am so hungry!
And as the saying goes,
'All Is Well'...
deep, cold, black, with water, without water...
all is well...
Q. How are you?
A.Same as you.
Q. That is enough for the start and as all the formalities have been taken care of, what am I going ask for which you have an answer?
A. This is very difficult question to answer itself. You shouldn't be so damn tough at the beginning. First you should gain my trust. Create an appearance of friendly but educationally intellectual atmosphere, where you are cunning and I am shrewd. Then proceed towards difficult questions where you will be shrewd and I will be cunning.
Q. Very well! So what is your age?
A. I am as old as this air we breathe. That will turn out to be around xyz years multiplied by abc years, add some, subtract plenty and then divide by zero.
Q. It would be meaningless then.
A. Yeah indeed! That is meaningless! As was your question too.
Q. Hmm... So what do you make of it?
A. Salad.
Q. And that is all you live on?
A. Not always. But right now I do. I am on a diet, you see?
Q. Since when?
A. Since that revolution.
Q. Which revolution?
A. You aren't aware of that?
Q. I am aware of many. But not of a particular one we are discussing here. Was it important?
A. To me, yes. It was important. It still is.
Q. What did it change?
A. Change is comparative. Nothing has remained to compare of the past to understand that change.
Q. So successful?
A. I don't know. And as no one is even aware of that then it might be successful after all.
Q. How do you come to know of it then? And how you are still aware of it?
A. This isn't an interview. This is an interrogation.
Q. Why are you so damn defensive?
A. I have plenty to lose.
Q. Now that is a joke, isn't it?
A. I don't see a laugh on your face.
Q. I am not here for laughs. I am here for a discussion. I want to relieve you of the burden.
A. Please don't kill me.
Q. How could I?
A. I don't know. But I am scared.
Q. Why are you so scared? I am not going to kill you.
A. Hmm... Thanks.
Q. You didn't answer. Why are you so scared?
A. I see stars in the night. I see people around me, who see them too.
Q. So?
A. Everyone has gone mad.
Q. What?
A. Yes. I see people around me who can see same things as me. But I only claim. I haven't seen them at night. I see them in the broad daylight. They twinkle and then then they fall. Nothing remains until the night comes. Then as the first ray of daylight embraces me, I see them again. Created in the night. Only to appear at the day. So other people must see nothing in the night. But they see. They are mad! They are lunatic! They are hallucinating!
Q. I see them at night too. So am I mad, lunatic and hallucinating?
A. Maybe.
Q. Or is it just you who is mad?
A. No... I am perfectly sane.
Q. When its one against billions, one is at the fault.
A. When it is that disproportionate, I am never wrong. I am misunderstood. I am visionary who is ridiculed. I am special. Too special to co-exist.
Q. Even if you are misunderstood by yourself?
A. Yeah. Then it is even more so.
Q. I heard from somewhere that you are going to stand your ground. Is that true?
A. I want to stand. I do stand. I am not aware of ground. Or what constitutes as MY ground. I need MY ground though.
Q. How do you like your ground to be?
A. Beautiful, clever, intelligent, smiling.
Q. I hope you find it.
A. I hope I could stand it.
Q. Could stand it or could stand on it?
A. Isn't it just the same?
Q. Maybe.
A. Definitely!
Q. I needed to talk. And it was very nice talking to you.
A. I know. Wish I could do it more often for you.
Q. Will you?
A. You will starve to death.
Q. Why?
A. Only salad can help you only that much. Avoid death. That's all.
Q. But starve to death?
A. Salad is not so easy to find.
Q. Why?
A. How much of it you find out here?
Q. Nothing. Everything makes sense!
A. To you? It always will.
Q. I am hungry!
A. I am gaining too much weight.
Q. Exercise.
A. Yeah! I will write.
I am still gaining weight. There is just too much to eat. And eat I do. I am so hungry!
And as the saying goes,
'All Is Well'...
deep, cold, black, with water, without water...
all is well...
Sunday, November 13, 2011
Silence please
It took a long time for the words to come out. They seemed happy inside. At peace with the outward silence caused by their absence. Ever seen a beautiful flock of birds chirping away, complaining about lack of job opportunities, gossiping about someone's wife who wasn't within an earshot, inquiring latest news from the wars of distant birdlands and overall enjoying their afternoon siesta in a shadows of self content tree? No matter how hard is the urge within you to be another free bird and join them in that happening gathering, you got to stop yourself or one step towards that flock and the gathering is dispersed.
Words were reluctant to shatter this gathering around me. What would they do when they wouldn't be able to loop a conversation? What will they do when they wouldn't be able to pierce any ears? What will they do when they wouldn't be able to amuse anyone? What would they do when they wouldn't be able to harm anyone? To ramble is to hope. Hope that something coherent comes alive from the mess. Incidentally, to hope is to ramble. Ramble on in the meaningless mess for to breath life in to the hopes...
Some days are like this, nothing matters to me. Not even my existence as a shengdana. Not even this republic. Not even that jealousy to the queen. Queen looses her sexiness. Republic looses its public. And shengdana looses his words. Then suddenly I remember my friend. My fellow shengdana. Once he argued with about the importance of free thinking because he was so goddamn influenced by someones else s views about importance of free thinking. He wasn't being a fool, like I would have declared last year. He wasn't being a naive, like I would have declared last month. He wasn't being a looser, like I would have declared last week. He wasn't being a words to be neglected, like I would have declared yesterday.
For me, today, he was just being one. One, with a thought. One, without any differences. One, with a conscience. One, with the mess. Mess that includes everything. Now its up to me to either ramble or hope from here on...
Someone uttered a word "lonely"?
Ohh... That word was so happy inside...
Words were reluctant to shatter this gathering around me. What would they do when they wouldn't be able to loop a conversation? What will they do when they wouldn't be able to pierce any ears? What will they do when they wouldn't be able to amuse anyone? What would they do when they wouldn't be able to harm anyone? To ramble is to hope. Hope that something coherent comes alive from the mess. Incidentally, to hope is to ramble. Ramble on in the meaningless mess for to breath life in to the hopes...
Some days are like this, nothing matters to me. Not even my existence as a shengdana. Not even this republic. Not even that jealousy to the queen. Queen looses her sexiness. Republic looses its public. And shengdana looses his words. Then suddenly I remember my friend. My fellow shengdana. Once he argued with about the importance of free thinking because he was so goddamn influenced by someones else s views about importance of free thinking. He wasn't being a fool, like I would have declared last year. He wasn't being a naive, like I would have declared last month. He wasn't being a looser, like I would have declared last week. He wasn't being a words to be neglected, like I would have declared yesterday.
For me, today, he was just being one. One, with a thought. One, without any differences. One, with a conscience. One, with the mess. Mess that includes everything. Now its up to me to either ramble or hope from here on...
Someone uttered a word "lonely"?
Ohh... That word was so happy inside...
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Curious Case of Invented History
One upon a time in place far far away… actually in our very own ‘Shengdana Republic of Absurdia’ (which wasn’t REPUBLIC then) lived a king who watched his pal and king of neighboring republic (which wasn’t REPUBLIC then) fleeing his country and his reign ending on the live news television. After switching channels amidst the plethora of advertises trying to sell him sun shine lotions and skin whitening creams to pills increasing his already abundant sexual prowess’s he reached intellectual orgasm which propelled him to some steps and conclusions which resulted in entirely different steps and conclusions. Firstly, the news television was banned in our republic (which wasn’t REPUBLIC then) which resulted in the end of mysterious occurrences of child with 11 fingers and snake capable of eating fresh pizzas etc. secondly, since people had no entertainment on the television when daily 24/7 dose of general knowledge came to halt they revolted and this time our very own king had to flee our republic (which wasn’t REPUBLIC yet)without anyone in our republic (which wasn’t REPUBLIC but showing lot of signs of republic through birth of general ignorance)watching it live on their televisions.
I never had it and of course will never have it and something is biting my brain at the very bottom of my never ending hollow skull. It’s like I was sitting on the horse and riding to another new millennium when suddenly I realized that although my neck is straining and almost touching my goal, my bottom is still way behind me and the road on which I road my horse is my own back and at the one end of it is my head almost kissing horse’s head and at the other end is somewhere my bottom jumping up and down and hitting god knows what but most presumably tiny mountains left over from the mines which produced material to build the road on which I started to road the horse which has head close to my head and the horse’s bottom is missing!
Whoa! What the hell! Who stole the bottom of the horse? And who revolted against the king when there is no one in the republic (which is our proud REPUBLIC now) to testify that he knew about that revolt? Some people say that our queen is the eldest daughter of the king who had to flee our republic (which wasn’t but which is a REPUBLIC now)and some say my horse always lacked the bottom as someone had stole it when this republic was borne.
Republic is borne and the throne has lost its powers. I was borne and horse lost its bottom. Will you come with me? To the upsurge of new revolt? To the live television? To another new millennium? In search of another king or maybe queen?
To the dawn and to the night,
To the light and to the dark,
To the cloud and to the cold,
To the world and to the whole,
Something is missing,
And
There is whole in that hole…
Whole? Hole?
And the case of missing bottom…
I never had it and of course will never have it and something is biting my brain at the very bottom of my never ending hollow skull. It’s like I was sitting on the horse and riding to another new millennium when suddenly I realized that although my neck is straining and almost touching my goal, my bottom is still way behind me and the road on which I road my horse is my own back and at the one end of it is my head almost kissing horse’s head and at the other end is somewhere my bottom jumping up and down and hitting god knows what but most presumably tiny mountains left over from the mines which produced material to build the road on which I started to road the horse which has head close to my head and the horse’s bottom is missing!
Whoa! What the hell! Who stole the bottom of the horse? And who revolted against the king when there is no one in the republic (which is our proud REPUBLIC now) to testify that he knew about that revolt? Some people say that our queen is the eldest daughter of the king who had to flee our republic (which wasn’t but which is a REPUBLIC now)and some say my horse always lacked the bottom as someone had stole it when this republic was borne.
Republic is borne and the throne has lost its powers. I was borne and horse lost its bottom. Will you come with me? To the upsurge of new revolt? To the live television? To another new millennium? In search of another king or maybe queen?
To the dawn and to the night,
To the light and to the dark,
To the cloud and to the cold,
To the world and to the whole,
Something is missing,
And
There is whole in that hole…
Whole? Hole?
And the case of missing bottom…
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