You fuck up everything...
But even your birth?
From all the available possibilities, you choose only those which lead to the BECOMING of you. You fucking moron! If your birth and this lousy existence could have been less lousy and better served at some other time then why in hell your eternal soul choose to be mortal in this period? Why not your so called best suited period? That is, if you got any soul in the first place. But in all likelihood you have chosen not to believe in any gibberish of soul and all that nonsense. So what are you gonna sell if and although its very marginal if, devil comes knocking to your door?
The sun roasting back while your pathetic perspiration tries vehemently to save your skin is quite an experience, the adrenaline pumped and hourly reason for existence at its peak, you are elated as nothing else. Mind, body and all your senses concentrated and frankly wasted on the field is a moment to live. Moment to toil, your moment of grace and personal dignity... ohh! cut the bullshit... been there and done that, know it all... say something new...
Sinking ever deeper in the pages, you can gain million friends. Get as close, to understanding the creation of universe to the importance of breathing as you ever get close to understanding yourself. Squabble around the desk with your fellow journeymen and unlock each others sleeping or never used before neurons of brains. cry with the other souls longing for some end. Fall in love and avenge all the wrongs. Spread your wings and fly only to land at earth at the last page and fly again starting from the first. Sweeten your tongue with the dripping honey of sublime poetry and blaze your heart sometimes when honey turns to acid. Meet Marx to understand the rifts. Feel connected to the earth via struggles of Mandela. Disappear and reappear as a colorful butterfly with Marquez. Live the moments of war from the past and future. Strive to understand that somewhere your understanding stops and either you can understand everything in your own way or you can only accept that you understand nothing... Will you list everything good you have read? There ain't much space and time. For every name you drop, I can drop two and at the end we both will be defeated. So take my word for that, BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT...
Smoke is a curios thing. A curtain for everything unwanted to hide. Picture a world all for yourself with brain at its pleasurable most. Giving you ideas but not the time to ponder over it. You dream and you talk. You sleep and you walk. You sleep and tap at music of the world. All behind a curtain. You see, only you. You love, only you. You find a soul mate and greatest sympathizer and its you. Drip a liquor through your veins and smoke your lungs. At the root of the weed is the dream of the wind. Vivid and unstopping. Wrap yourself in the curtain and you have as good as wrapped the world... BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT...
Fall in love. Feel the warmth and find a place. Get ready-made ambition if you cannot conceive one. Find a purpose and stick to it. Love yourself for the fact that you are lovable enough to be loved. A little bit of responsibility won't hurt. Unless you question the bloody situation. Believe that situation does not exist. Its you and her who are worth of existing. Feel the lighter air and greener grass, most opulent of feelings and their spills. Hate one, curse one and forget in the shadow of the love. Fool yourself by fooling the other one...BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT...
There is a track laden for every train to move. Moving from the track is disaster if you haven't got the tires. That track leads to every station from the birth to the death. Every station is said to be worth visiting and part of the official social schedule. Stick to the route and enjoy your journey. Fulfill your birth. But your are special and entitled to the tires then you can take the detour. Visit less visited halts and experience the broader world. Stop and add some fuel, to go another extra mile. Take pictures of exotic places and share with fellow travelers. Enrich your world. Take something and return more.
But you won't take it seriously, will you? Make either journey and you will have company. I don't know how but it dampens your spirit. So you think, actually don't think at all but only act and you choose. You choose to walk and wish this choice will make you worthy enough to walk. You walk and play where its possible. You walk and learn where its possible, you walk and read where its possible, you walk and see where its possible, you walk and love where its possible. Which is nothing but just a blur to the others as you think, is more known to you, you think. You Think. Happy for a while with the sudden burst of details. You grasp and you are heavy. Suitably forgotten that its not just about the distance but about the time as well. Time is heavy and its a terrible burden. So much of walk and with sullen curiosity only boredom is the companion. For all the possible actions to avoid and get rid of ever present companion you have an answer... BEEN THERE, DONE THAT... The road is miles away and track is the distant past. And ever increasing doubt which will surely turn to fear with the burden of time that you have traveled so less and your destination has himself walked to you.
Well... I just gave me a chance and that me fucked me again...
For a long time I wished to do it and today is the day when I will do it. I have been sitting here whole night to shoot him. This is one of favorite places. A small hill and sibling valleys on the both side. On the adjacent hill god himself made his home (so they say!), it must be his favorite place too! Here is a tiny shrine with a bull which goes nowhere, although I have a vague sense of feeling that he is lost so I move his face to every possible direction but still it chooses to sit. Being carved out of stone has made him as senseless as stone I guess. Nonetheless he is a great company and quite a relief that I am not the only one around with stone for the brains. Hahahahaha... You see? I am a bit nervous, shooting someone is not a joke so I am trying to humour myself with any random thought. Talking to myself is not an option as it will again take me on some bullshit 'my ass is so pristine and beautiful' talk. So sitting bull which never bullshits is great! The moment is very near. To achieve something you got to do something. When End matters, the talk of sanctity of Means is bullshit. I have left forgotten Mahatma to forgotten place. To kill is important. Specially this killing is the most important thing. I want to shot him and bleed the whole sky. The moment he shows up, he is gonna be dead. But curiously someone may have attempted before me... sky is bleeding a bit as it is. No matter. I am gonna shoot him myself too!
At the precise moment, I took the aim and shot him. I never heard the bang and never felt any recoil. Maybe it was because I was so eager to see him die. I shot him and yes the sky bleed profusely. It was red. And then I slept. Never to wake up again by the rays of now dead sun.
I don't know after how many hours, days or years but I was woken up by the harsh sunlight. Bloody sun wasn't dead at all. Maybe next time I got to bring bigger pen to shot him again....
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